The Ghosts of NYFW

Last year, in 2019, I was selected as one of 26 women with metastatic breast cancer to walk the runway at New York Fashion Week for AnaOno and Metavivor. It was one of the most incredible, mind-boggling experiences of my life, an experience it has taken me a year to process. Last year, I had …

Beyond Awareness: Komen Westchester Metastatic Conference Keynote Address 2019

In November, I was honored to be the keynote speaker at Komen Westchester's Inaugural Metastatic Conference. The best of my speech is below, and the video of it can be seen here. The poet Anya Krugovoy Silver, who died in 2018 from metastatic breast cancer, wrote, in her poem Stage IV:  Suddenly, gloved hands empty …

The Blur of Illness

My days seem to go by in a strange blur these days. Often, I find myself not knowing what day of the week, or the month, it is. This isn't a cognitive defect, but the artificial ebb and flow created by ongoing illness, driven by medication schedules, changing treatment plans, symptoms, side effects, sleeping at …

2019: A Lengthy Recap

I don't have anything particularly wise or insightful to reflect on 2019. It was a year of waves irrepressibly pummeling our family - bad news following bad news. A year of absence, being torn from my life over and over, captive to the ever-changing treatments and side effects, each one worse than the last. And …

No News Isn’t Good News

Well, well, well. Look who's scraping away the cobwebs over here. Unfortunately, the title of this post probably gives away my essential update - so, no, I haven't been absent due to scan results so stupendous that I had no choice but to buy tickets to Europe and galavant my way across the continent, celebrating …

I Get Knocked Down, but I Get Up Again

Waiting for scan results is one of the most emotionally draining things I seem to do on a regular basis. On September 18, 2018, I had my last stable scan. My next scan after that, December 11th, (thanks, iCal), seemed to be the start of what became a pretty significant avalanche. That scan showed progression …

On Sadness and Survivorship

Today is National Cancer Survivors Day. It's a day intended to celebrate those who have "battled" cancer, who have faced the beast and "won." Or rather, who have found themselves in a place of sufficient distance from their disease to find reason to celebrate. Now, don't get me wrong - I also find plenty of …

A Long Update

It’s not uncommon for estrogen-positive metastatic breast cancer to shift, to mutate, and to become resistant to hormone therapy. Truthfully, the cancer continues to mutate so as to evade all lines of available treatment at some point, including even the most harsh lines of intravenous chemotherapy. This is a critical, but poorly-understood, area of both …

Brain Fog

I'm currently writing this post from my back porch - there is just enough sunshine dappling my chair to be warming and soothing, but not enough to feel harsh on my sensitive eyes. It's been nearly two weeks since my SRS brain radiation, and barely a month since the brain MRI that set all of …