The Blur of Illness

My days seem to go by in a strange blur these days. Often, I find myself not knowing what day of the week, or the month, it is. This isn't a cognitive defect, but the artificial ebb and flow created by ongoing illness, driven by medication schedules, changing treatment plans, symptoms, side effects, sleeping at …

2019: A Lengthy Recap

I don't have anything particularly wise or insightful to reflect on 2019. It was a year of waves irrepressibly pummeling our family - bad news following bad news. A year of absence, being torn from my life over and over, captive to the ever-changing treatments and side effects, each one worse than the last. And …

No News Isn’t Good News

Well, well, well. Look who's scraping away the cobwebs over here. Unfortunately, the title of this post probably gives away my essential update - so, no, I haven't been absent due to scan results so stupendous that I had no choice but to buy tickets to Europe and galavant my way across the continent, celebrating …

All Aboard the Struggle Bus

I'm nearly six weeks into my fourth line of treatment - weekly infusions of Taxol, an IV chemo. My hair is long gone, and with it, my energy, and my ability to do almost anything most days other than sit on the couch and re-watch Queer Eye. (I'm not a TV person, at all, so …

The Absurdities of Cancer

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings." -excerpt from "The Walrus and the Carpenter" by Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass I have always loved Through the Looking Glass. I remember being …

On Sadness and Survivorship

Today is National Cancer Survivors Day. It's a day intended to celebrate those who have "battled" cancer, who have faced the beast and "won." Or rather, who have found themselves in a place of sufficient distance from their disease to find reason to celebrate. Now, don't get me wrong - I also find plenty of …

Brain Fog

I'm currently writing this post from my back porch - there is just enough sunshine dappling my chair to be warming and soothing, but not enough to feel harsh on my sensitive eyes. It's been nearly two weeks since my SRS brain radiation, and barely a month since the brain MRI that set all of …

Good News/Bad News

Clinical trials are always a bit of a crapshoot. On one hand, you have the opportunity to be treated with the most cutting-edge technology, medications, and treatments available. On the other hand, well, it's a trial. There's no truly solid data on its efficacy because you are the data. I felt fairly comfortable with my …

The Last Two Months

“I do not wish my anger and pain and fear about cancer to fossilize into yet another silence, nor to rob me of whatever strength can lie at the core of this experience, openly acknowledged and examined...imposed silence about any area of our lives is a tool for separation and powerlessness.” -Audre Lorde, The Cancer …

I’m Starting a Fundraiser

When the bottom drops out from under you so completely, as it does with a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis, you need support. A lot of it. I am incredibly fortunate to have two unbelievable organizations/support groups that I lean on heavily throughout my weeks: one is a local all-cancer support group at my local hospital …